"If you want to tell people the truth, you’d better make them laugh or they’ll kill you."

-George Bernard Shaw ( Contested attribution )

"The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them."

-George Bernard Shaw

"Hell, in short, is a place where you have nothing to do but amuse yourself."

-George Bernard Shaw ( From Don Juan in Hell: From Man and Superman )